| So you left...what now?
There's a big scary world out there and when you first walk out the door it can seem as though everything that you once knew is no more. You may have financial difficulties, confused and disoriented children and emotional problems. So I have put together a list of firsts… What you need to take care of straight away to get your life back on track and sorted. FINANCIAL Look it can be frightening if you have never been on welfare before, but just remember that there is absolutely no shame in accepting some help when things get a little tough. Think of it this way – your taxes of last week are now paying your rent. What goes around comes around. When you are back on your feet again, you will be paying taxes to help out another struggling single parent. Even if you are working, you still must talk to Centrelink and find out what entitlements you are allowed. You may be entitled to a blue pension card (which has a host of benefits) or even cheaper child care. You won't know until you take the plunge. When you first approach Centrelink, you will find that there are a host of forms to fill out and lines to wait in and you will probably speak to at least three different people concerning each issue you raise. To cut the crap and the time that you spend waiting around, get online and have a look at the requirements for parenting payment. Many of the forms that you need to fill in are actually downloadable off the web, so you can be much more prepared when you come to go to Centrelink. You may also be entitled to a higher level of Family Tax Benefit than you were previously receiving. I know it's tedious but it is worth it to go through the Centrelink process and receive the benefits that you are entitled to. You may also be entitled to a crisis payment (if your financial situation is dire) and rental assistance. HOUSING Centrelink Community Officers provide services to those who urgently need help in securing residency. If you fear that you and your children may become homeless or you are already, phone the Salvation Army on 1300 36 36 22 http://www.salvos.org.au/ or LifeLine on 13 11 14 http://www.lifeline.org.au/, tell them your plight and ask for emergency accommodation. It can be difficult to obtain rental accommodation when you are a single parent (Lord only knows why), particularly if you haven't rented for some time. You may find yourself passed over by Real estate agents for young business couples instead. So, when you go searching, go armed with references. Ask your neighbours to write a reference for you, ask the agent from the last property you rented to write a reference, even ask your boss. If you are finding it hard to obtain written references, then ask if they would mind if you put their names down as a phone referee. Believe me it goes a long way to giving you and your family credibility. EMOTIONAL After all of the practical stuff is sorted out, you are going to need to look at what is happening on the inside (both for yourself and your children). This goes for both the person who has left or is leaving and the one who is left behind. This a huge time of upheaval for your family, so you need to have strategies in place to help you deal with the pain and confusion. Again Centrelink have a Personal and Family counselling service available. You can contact a social worker by calling 13 1021. Utilise as many free services as you can. Relationships Australia 1300 364 277 http://www.relationships.com.au/ is another great counselling service available to you and if you are feeling a bit too raw to speak to someone just yet, then you can actually apply to receive counselling online. Your children may also need to speak with someone. I highly recommend Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 http://www.kidshelp.com.au/. It's just such a wonderful service for children and teens of all ages. Look it could be as simple as “my boyfriend likes someone else” or as serious as “I'm being abused what can I do”. It's important that your children feel they have a voice and are being heard and sometimes a counselling line can fill this need. It's imperative that you discuss with the children exactly what is happening and ensure them that it is not their fault and that both mummy and daddy love them very much, regardless of the situation or the reasons behind the split. Kids are so intuitive and they take on the weight of the world on their shoulders at times and may start to feel as though they had something to do with why the family has split. There are also some great books for both parents and children that explain what is happening. I like to focus on the positives and I know that this helps my child immensely. I think that the important thing to remember here is that this is not going to be the end of your life. Your children will be okay and so will you. Single Parenting can be fabulous. That's the way I look at it and you know, if you build it they will come. Everybody has bad days (even me), but you must pick yourself up and soldier on and be proud of what you are accomplishing. It's not easy bringing up your children alone, but it is worthy and I personally think that single parents are the unsung heroes of Australia. We are the parents of the leaders of the future. © Tina Louise Industries Pty Ltd 2008
Tina Shaw is also available for speaking engagements for conferences or small groups – contact via the web.
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Tina Shaw is the Publisher of the online magazine for solo parents, The Single Parent Bible (